Friday, February 27, 2009

Be not Aware of what you see for it may not be quiet what it Seems!

A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities.” William Arthur Ward
In the early 90's I had 1 major stroke, and 1 modorate stroke. The effects of the stroke weren't the bad part, yes they were pretty devestating and medically speaking at 26 i had the doctors dumb-founded. But, eventually they figured it out. The frustrating part and the agravating part has been to this day I don't look or feel sick! But, I have been on a downward spiral ever since, well it started a few years earlier with an ijury to my back. But, the strokes really messed with my head and my life, because on the outside i look perfectly normal, (ok for a blonde, and lets just leave it at that) but on the inside my body thinks and acts like its 90. What people don't understand with people with debilitating and chronic diseases is that even though we may look normal on the outside but on the inside we hurt, ache and sometimes just want to be taken out and shot like the old family horse. Because believe me if i was a horse they would have shot me a long long time ago!
After the strokes, i withdrew from a society that i had spent the first 24 years of my life in, and they didnt even know i lived there. I wasn't the same person i wasn't the same outgoing, fun, ready to go and do just about anything person i had been. So i just basically disappeared, in a town of 5000! I didnt know how to act, behave, or live. What really sucked is i had a 2 year old son to raise on my own, my doctors advise; "you need to get rid of all the stress in your life" yeah like that was going to happen, single mom, 2 yr old, who had just found out she's had 2 strokes, complex migraines, and lupus. The relaxing thing wasnt going to happen, even if i was a married, mom, with a 2 yr old the stress level would have been crazy, but at my levels it just added to the problem. Yes the old nag would have been taken out to the pasture and been shot! And believe me i would have agreed.
I'm not writing this to bitch, or get sympathy for me, I've just heard the same story from several woman and how ashamed they are to even going to a pain management doctor, why, because they dont "look" sick and no one see's that they are sick so why complain to a doctor, when the ones that are suppose to know and love them most won't even listen or understand them? Why, because that is their damn job and even if we are on state assistance, we are paying the doctors and they need to listen to us! The pain is real, and the illnesses are real! I copied some of the definitions of the diseases from the Stedman's Medical Dictionary. Just in case anyone wanted to check my references. I have a few things i feel very passionate about. One being my health and the treatment i have or have not gotten. Two, abused children, which you will probably hear about. Finally three, and that will be the hardest for me to talk about because it is the closest to my heart, and that is how women who have been raped are treated by society in general.
The common unseen, chronic, embarrassing, discomforting ,diseases that i have come into close uncofortable and sometimes embarassing contact with and that women are afraid to talk about with anyone are fibromyalgia, lupus, IBS,IBD, GERD and i'm sure there are many many others. But her are a few definitions
Fibromyalgia: A common syndrome of chronic widespread soft-tissue pain accompanied by weakness, fatigue, and sleep disturbances; the cause is unknown
Lupus: Systemic lupus erythematosus (lupus, SLE) is an autoimmune disease in which a person's immune system attacks various organs or cells of the body causing damage and dysfunction
IBS: Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) is a disorder of the intestines. It causes belly pain, cramping or bloating, and diarrhea or constipation. Irritable bowel syndrome is a long-term problem, but there are things you can do to reduce your symptoms
IBD:Inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) is a condition that causes ongoing inflammation of the intestines. The condition can affect only the large intestine (ulcerative colitis) or any part of the entire digestive tract, from the mouth to the anus (Crohn's disease).
Symptoms of inflammatory bowel disease may include abdominal pain, frequent diarrhea that may contain blood or pus, fever, chills, weight loss, and fatigue. The condition may be mild or severe. The inflammation can also affect other parts of the body, such as the eyes or joints, and may cause a form of arthritis.
Inflammatory bowel disease may recur many times in a person's life. It is treated with medications and sometimes with diet changes. If the disease is in remission (not causing symptoms), treatment may not be needed, although medications may help keep the disease in remission. A severe attack may require that the person be hospitalized for treatment. In some cases, surgery may be needed.
GERD: Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease,and for erosive esophagitis, which is GERD-related damage to the esophagus: a syndrome due to structural or functional incompetence of the lower esophageal sphincter (LES), which permits retrograde flow of acidic gastric juice into the esophagus.
Now that we have got the legistics out of the way. :0 lets' get the silliness out of the way! As woman we shouldn't be ashamed of telling doctors that we hurt! We shouldn't be afraid to tell our loved ones we can't do something because we hurt. We shouldn't be afraid to tell our girlfriends all the above, and if we are they shouldn't be our doctor's, friend's or loved ones life is too short to be surrounded by uncaring, unfeeling, unhelpful people when we hurt and are in need of sometimes something as simple as taking the dog for a walk. We shouldn't be ashamed to openly talk about our ache's, pain's and issue's, yes I understand it can be overwhelming and can at times seem at consuming, but you on the other side should spend some time in our skin, IT IS ALL CONSUMING!!! We don't try and be prim-donna's, we'd give anything to go back to a time when we didn't hurt 24/7 and could do anything we wanted with out the consequences of not being able to get out of bed for 3 days.
On the other hand I believe in living life to the fullest come hell or high water and i pay for those choices, but I'm not dead yet and I will have fun until then I have a bucket list and until the time I can't do those fun things that bring enjoyment I plan on fulfilling some of those wild things I want to do. I'm fragile not broken as some of my friends like to say, I don't look at it that way, there are some things I shouldn't do, some things I'll pay for doing, some things I'm gonna do no matter what and some things  I wont do! But all of them I know I'm gonna have to take it easy before hand, rest, eat right, and afterwards I'm gonna have medicate, medicate, rest, rest, bitch, bitch and be happy I did it (I hope), and wait for the soreness to go away!
The other thing is with the fibromayalgia, there is a benefit, and if your in a steady relationship, and have a patient partner, and have done your homework, you know that with fibro every nerve is effected, your pain receptacles are heightened, well so are your pleasure receptacles... I'll leave you with that thought! ;-)


Ok So its been awhile since i've felt the need to get up on my saddle and stand on my horse and preach a little gospel!! Don't worrry I'm not in that mood, yet!! But I am in a mood and you know I am generally the most fair person you could ever meet, just ask anyone that has spent any time with me, but there comes a time that if you cross that line, YOU DONT PISS OFF THE BLONDE!! Well you've gone and done it!! and it's women in general, yes I said women, I told you I am the most fair person you will ever meet. I will male bash with the best of them, but i will also women bash right next to the men, if ya deserve it. And Honey's this time you. And yes I am a woman last time i checked... heheheee ;)
Do we have to go and ruin every man we dump, drop kick, jilt, roll over, reject, or burn? Isn't it enough that during the so called love affair, that they have been sacraficed, invalidated, nuetered, been desecrated, devestated, with held sexual favors, all in the name of love? Does any of this sound like love to you? Would you have liked to be treated like this? Would you like the everlasting affects of these kind of relationships to follow you, your whole life?
The power of that little fricken box between your legs aint everything girls!!! treat a man like you would want to be treated and maybe it might be returned ten fold. Come on!!! GOD gave you a brain to think with use it, not your damn box! Use kindness, gentleness, conversation and communication to make a relationship not blackmail, conniving and scheming to get men to bend to your every need. The damage it does to them is lifelong but the damage it does to yourself worth, self-respect and self-image is the real killer.
Because in the end who do you really want to make truelly happy? Yourself? Right? Becuase if your happy, everyone around you is happy, at least thats the way it works in this blondes world and believe they know if this blondes isn't happy! and yes i've dumped a few men, but not to the extent that i've turned them into whimpering sniveling puppies afraid to come out of thier shells and live again! And if they do take a chance the women that do get involved with them don't have to seek counseling or shelter!
So Dont piss of any blondes! You never know who's ex-girlfriend the guy might have had that will come lookin for you, for realling TURKING UP her friend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(i dont use that bad word anymore) How dare some of you women feel that you have the right to just screw with someones heart, mind, soul and life for years, all in the name of love! You need to seek professional help! It does wonders, believe me i know ive been & out of it for years, with a good counselor, otherwise I might be a psyco blonde and who knows what i might do!! (Just Kidding) but I am that PISSED!!! Messing with some ones mind should be a criminal offense. There is no difference between physical abuse, mental abuse, finacial abuse or sexual abuse; and that can be in the form of with holding it from your significant other in the means of attempting to get them to do something,be something, or act in some way you want them to.
You know men have the label as being the real bastardly beast, but women we have them beat we just don't get the notoriety or the punishment that the men do. I have known some really mean and cruel men, who have done some really unspeakable hurtful things that have taken me and their other sources of abuse years and years to get over and most of them have all served some form of punishment (professional), and some of it not necessarily warranted. I have also known just as many women, who to be quiet honest, have put the men to shame becuase the men may have the brute strength, but we women have our intellegence and when we it goes astray it can be sick and depraved and dark. Woman can be menatally, pysically, financially and sexually abusive without the men even knowing it, well at least at first. We all get smart after a while.... some longer than others but eventually we all get out, one way or the other.
But my point is the women i have known, none of them have been punished (professionally) because the system sees women in most cases as the lesser of the evils and the men made us do it!!! BULLSHIT!!! ever play the game bullshit, the winner is who ever can lie the best. OK, who are the best liars? WOMAN!! We fib, white lie, tell whoopers, We are story tellers and tricksters, (oh those last two we use on our kids and men either to catch them or to put them to sleep). Everyday of our lives, or at least most of us do ues some form of a lie, to someone, the woman that you worry about are the ones who have made it an art form and those are the dangerous ones. They can hide anything, tell you anything to make you believe it, be your friend one minute and turn around and stab you in the back the next!! So I feel we as woman, have an upperhand on the men, not saying that men are dumb, becuase they aren't, their abuse is usually stemmed from and early childhood trauma and or treatment.. ummm oh anyone getting a hint??? yeah you got it!!! mothers, who didnt know how to raise a family, fathers that didnt know how to handle out of control anger, who were mistreated as children. Its a vicious circle that unless something is done and done soon, its not going to go away and its going to get worse!!!
Abuse in all forms not just child abuse, parental, spousal, ALL ABUSE needs to be adress on a national level, but lets start small, pay attention to your friends, your family, your lover, your neighbor; if you see something that doesn't look or sound right ask questions. Be a friend, listen, learn to communicate not argue, find a good counselor. ANYTHING TO GET HELP!!!
Ok i think im done!!!!maybe!!! @~>~~~>~~~ :=) ~~~<~~~<~@

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

There are Friends and then THERE ARE FREINDS!!

“Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you.”
William Arthur Ward

I found this quote on a relative’s facebooks page by this author and I found that I really like this gentleman's point of view! I've read several of his quotes and man they hit you Right Square in the eye!

In the last few weeks I have discovered and rediscovered some very interesting things and have reconnected with some very special friends from High School and have been having mini reunions on a daily basis's. But I also have found out some very sad things too!One of them being that, one of my best friends in the whole world is over in that evil evil place fighting for our country! I believe in our MEN & WOMEN over there and have up until this point been VERY VERY LUCKY not knowing anyone personally close to me over there! Until now!

Anyone that knows me knows that I have a very opinionated view about what should happen to those countries that, we are currently wasting our precious resources, time, money, and people on; or to those who had ANYTHING to do with the attacks on 9/11. I also believe in our government and the leadership of it, not that it always does the right thing, BUT IT IS NOT ONE MAN or WOMAN'S decision, and I wish we the people understood that. Maybe if we weren't so quick to blame THE person in charge and took some responsibility for the shape of the corruption of our ELECTED politicians, we would have less to complain about, and more to be proud of. We are, after all, supposed to be America the Proud! Which I still am, and if my health was good, and at my age I would go back in the service, like my friend did, for the good his family.

My belief, and it is MY belief is that if the education system, had not gone to the "new method" of teaching and would go back to education, and classes like AMERICAN GOVERNMENT like what was taught in the 80's maybe a lot of people would understand the process it takes to run a nation like the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA and what it takes to get a Bill thru the senate and congress and finally to the President to either get vetoed or signed into a Bill. Or maybe the decision process it takes for the President to decide to go to war against another nation, even if He decides to go against the United Nations, it’s not just one Man's yeah or neay. Ever wonder why the President ages so much in 4 years?

OK, I'm off my Saddle! I warned you! Every once in awhile I would get on my saddle, stand up and rant and rave!! Well this is one time and one issue that gets me riled up every time!! I'd really like to nuke most of that whole area, and make a big parking lot and let all those big box stores move in!! But I was nice! OK maybe not! But I had a really good day yesterday and decided to wait a day or two before I went off on this!

So Brian if you read this, this one is for you! And BUDDY TAKE CARE AND I MISS YOU AND YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS EVERYDAY!!!!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


Well Its been 3 weeks since my surgery and I'm bored, tired, and pissed! Ok maybe not pissed.. Fed up! I absolutely detested having to beg freinds for rides to the store, which is 3 blocks away!! Just because I can't drive! It is Awful!

Now, I have fallen behind in my college work becuase my head is so stinkin' foggy from this surgery! If i just happen to move my head the wrong way, I am in pain, maybe not pain but it's a feeling like being knocked to your knees by a baseball bat! Ever have that feeling? rrrr it is so aggervating!
I remember as a kid getting hig by a bat under the chin... OMF (and that is frickin') G (gosh) I am trying to turn over a new leaf.. (hehehe) knock you to your knees, tears in your eyes, dizzy, cant get a straight thought in your head!!!! Well thats the feeling i get if i so happen to turn my head, to fast or just a little bit to far, or just if it doesnt like something I'm doing!!! Then if I am going around the house without one of my braces for too long, my head gets to heavy ( i know weird) but it does and then i really get dizzy! Oh and then you want to hear a good one? I live in a townhouse! Well i've been feeling pretty good this weekend, and i was "hurring" up the stairs (yeah dumb) and i stumble when i get to the top, i catch myself but it jars my neck.. Yep you guess it, back to square ONE!!!! RRRRR

Sometimes, I wonder why I like being single, but then I listen to my friends complain and I remember why! But, I sure wish i lived closer to some of my friends!!! cuz my family sucks!! You'd think my sister would come and at least check on me once in awhile.. NOPE! She gives me her dog to look after ...luv ya chica .. but gee! My sister had not been to come to check on me once, or to see her dog, She has a new boy toy, He is 29, she is 40!!! She did finally come and get her dog, after a month of me having her. I had to practically beg her to take me to the pet store.

You Know You Can Not Pick Your Family, But You Can Definatily Pick Your Friends!! And I've had some of my Friends for well over 4o years!!!