Monday, October 25, 2010

The wrong decisions can lead you down the right path

Isn't it  funny how sometimes the wrong decisions can lead you down the right path? It seems like for the last year I have made nothing but the wrong decisions, but then I look at where I am now and I see that everything happen for a reason, and it definitely was for the right reasons. I might have been hurt, I might have been used, I might have gotten mad and I might have even wanted to hurt someone really really bad, which I haven't wanted to do fro a very long time, but I look back now and I know it all had to happen for a good reason, so I would appreciate what I have now. It's been a very rough bumpy, no bumpy doesn't even begin to cover the road I've traveled the last 5 or 6 years but I know I had to travel them to get where I am now. I wish I didn't, I wish my son wouldn't have had to, no child should have had to, I still don't understand that part. But I am a big girl, bigger than I'd like to be at times, but I made my own decisions, damn it! 
But, now I can look back and see I still had some growing to do, some learnin' to do, but I think I'm there, I can appreciate the better things that life has to offer. I know I deserve better than the scum of the earth that I had been expecting for myself, thinking that was all I deserved, because that was what I had been taught, but no I deserve the very best that life has to offer, we all do, no one deserves to be talked down to, treated like dirt and made to feel that they are unworthy of true real love. 
So, this path that I am on now, I think I can finally except it as my own, not someone other than mine, I'm not looking in through the window, wishing it were my life, day dreaming all the time, thinking "what if's", this is my life and it's pretty darn good, don't get me wrong there is definitely still room for some improvement and I still have gotten all my little hang-ups worked up, and I still try to self sabotage, stupid I know, and I mentally kick my ass all the time! And I have a group of really good friends now, that help with that, and a man that is completely AWESOME and the key word there is MAN! who also helps with the occasional kicking of my ass when I get on myself too hard. So the road doesn't become a 6 lane interstate overnight, or even over the course of a year, but I'm working on it, and it is happening, and hey I've got to have a little excitement here and there.. I am me and I can't get bored!  ;-) 
Anyway, things are never what they seem and with me they are never what I plan, I should have learned that a long time ago.. QUIT PLANNING! and listen to my head a little more! Things all happen for a reason even the bad and most definitely the good!! and right now life is WAY GOOD! 

Saturday, March 6, 2010

My New Love ~ Oh Is She Running My Life ;-}

Ok im in Fort Bragg, California, Yes there is a Fort Bragg, California, named and after the same person as the Fort Bragg, North Carolina but ours is much prettier, just not doing as hot, which has me really bummed!! the suppression here is just awful, it is like the heavy fog that rolls in here and you can't see yourself thru it. I use to love that fog, i'd go out to Todd's poind and watch the boats or look for the fog lights come poke their way thru the fog, it was like cutting a knife and slowly they would make their way thru the fog and into the bay, the jetty here is said to be one of the hardest on the northern coast to maneuver, in my travels i would mention where i was from and old fisherman had even heard of noyo harbor, it was kind of cool!   Well that fog has come and settled here in Fort Bragg and seems not to have left since they shut down the Georgia Pacific mill, that is another sad sad thing here, I drive thru town or down one of the main streets toward the ocean and where you use to see the mill and its stacks or at noon you would here the mill whistle you now hear and see nothing it is heart wrenching. 
But, I'm here and there is NO snow, there has been lots and lots of rain and Californication has needed that, but as usual she is complaining about that now, and the earthquakes what is with that, I come home and not 50 or so miles away there have been 2 5.0 or higher quakes.. Yes, California I am home, you didn't need to throw me that kind of party!!! Just kidding~!~ I have made one trip back to Oregon had to revisit my docs, get some procedures done, and pick up my new love, who of course has had several name.... we had to see what her personality would be.. and Yes she is SPOILED ASS ROTTEN and She runs our lives and she only ways a little over a pound!!! but oh what a pistol!!! 

After much consideration, her name has become and it is totally fitting, Tinker Bell, but its usually stinker butt!! She is a Teacup chihuahua and marked like a cinnamon doberman and has the attitude of one too.. 

She rules the roost most of the time, Stella was really pissed off that I brought her home and she stayed but, that's wore off and now Stella is a mother hen. The Cats oh that's just hilarious, Tony plays and wrestles with her none stop its WWF knockdown none stop, I never know who is going for who, and Tinker goes for the jugular!!! Earnhart has stayed the maddest the longest, he gives her a good swat just for good measures. He takes up way to much of his mothers time,(mine), and that thoroughly pisses him off!  But its pretty fun to watch the games around here. 
We go for walks on the old haul road, Stella, Stinker and Me and Stinker is up to about 2 miles, I have to carry her the first 1/2 so she gets warmed up! then watch out its a show. Its like someone sticks a firecracker up her butt, cuz, she'll sit there and wait and then all of a sudden take off 900 miles a minute until all of her gas is gone. Its like watching the funny car races. Its the funniest thing i've ever seen and she is the star on the walks. Oh, Stella and  i walk about 2 1/2 to 3 miles.
just a quick up date... here's something i found from a friends blog..
You can win cool stuff!!!  We are enjoying Fort Bragg, but still looking for a place to move to, but that is looking up to! God is good and our angel with the beautiful natural Jewelry is looking after us. DON't YOU JUST LOVE HER!! I Love walking thru cemetry's espescially the old ones! I need to take the puppies for a walk in my favorite Fort Bragg cemetery it has some really cool old headstones dating way back! But taking photo's with that little dynomo is almost impossible!!! Man when she gets going its like someone lit a stick of dynamite up her butt! But she is the light of my light and Stella just loves her and has become quiet motherly over her.. It's pretty cute to watch the circus at our house of late.. more updates soon be sure to follow me on twitter.. Yes I've become addicted to twitter.. 
Talk soon! Here's a @>~~>~~~ 4 u! and always listen to that voice in your head, it will usually never lead u down the wrong rabbits hole! ;-}