Be not Aware of what you see for it may not be quiet what it Seems!

A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities.” William Arthur Ward

In the early 90's I had 1 major stroke, and 1 modorate stroke. The effects of the stroke weren't the bad part, yes they were pretty devestating and medically speaking at 26 i had the doctors dumb-founded. But, eventually they figured it out. The frustrating part and the agravating part has been to this day I don't look or feel sick! But, I have been on a downward spiral ever since, well it started a few years earlier with an ijury to my back. But, the strokes really messed with my head and my life, because on the outside i look perfectly normal, (ok for a blonde, and lets just leave it at that) but on the inside my body thinks and acts like its 90. What people don't understand with people with debilitating and chronic diseases is that even though we may look normal on the outside but on the inside we hurt, ache and sometimes just want to be taken out and shot like the old family horse. Because believe me if i was a horse they would have shot me a long long time ago!

After the strokes, i withdrew from a society that i had spent the first 24 years of my life in, and they didnt even know i lived there. I wasn't the same person i wasn't the same outgoing, fun, ready to go and do just about anything person i had been. So i just basically disappeared, in a town of 5000! I didnt know how to act, behave, or live. What really sucked is i had a 2 year old son to raise on my own, my doctors advise; "you need to get rid of all the stress in your life" yeah like that was going to happen, single mom, 2 yr old, who had just found out she's had 2 strokes, complex migraines, and lupus. The relaxing thing wasnt going to happen, even if i was a married, mom, with a 2 yr old the stress level would have been crazy, but at my levels it just added to the problem. Yes the old nag would have been taken out to the pasture and been shot! And believe me i would have agreed.

I'm not writing this to bitch, or get sympathy for me, I've just heard the same story from several woman and how ashamed they are to even going to a pain management doctor, why, because they dont "look" sick and no one see's that they are sick so why complain to a doctor, when the ones that are suppose to know and love them most won't even listen or understand them? Why, because that is their damn job and even if we are on state assistance, we are paying the doctors and they need to listen to us! The pain is real, and the illnesses are real! I copied some of the definitions of the diseases from the Stedman's Medical Dictionary. Just in case anyone wanted to check my references. I have a few things i feel very passionate about. One being my health and the treatment i have or have not gotten. Two, abused children, which you will probably hear about. Finally three, and that will be the hardest for me to talk about because it is the closest to my heart, and that is how women who have been raped are treated by society in general.
The common unseen, chronic, embarrassing, discomforting ,diseases that i have come into close uncofortable and sometimes embarassing contact with and that women are afraid to talk about with anyone are fibromyalgia, lupus, IBS,IBD, GERD and i'm sure there are many many others. But her are a few definitions

Fibromyalgia: A common syndrome of chronic widespread soft-tissue pain accompanied by weakness, fatigue, and sleep disturbances; the cause is unknown

Lupus: Systemic lupus erythematosus (lupus, SLE) is an autoimmune disease in which a person's immune system attacks various organs or cells of the body causing damage and dysfunction

IBS: Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) is a disorder of the intestines. It causes belly pain, cramping or bloating, and diarrhea or constipation. Irritable bowel syndrome is a long-term problem, but there are things you can do to reduce your symptoms

IBD:Inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) is a condition that causes ongoing inflammation of the intestines. The condition can affect only the large intestine (ulcerative colitis) or any part of the entire digestive tract, from the mouth to the anus (Crohn's disease).
Symptoms of inflammatory bowel disease may include abdominal pain, frequent diarrhea that may contain blood or pus, fever, chills, weight loss, and fatigue. The condition may be mild or severe. The inflammation can also affect other parts of the body, such as the eyes or joints, and may cause a form of arthritis.
Inflammatory bowel disease may recur many times in a person's life. It is treated with medications and sometimes with diet changes. If the disease is in remission (not causing symptoms), treatment may not be needed, although medications may help keep the disease in remission. A severe attack may require that the person be hospitalized for treatment. In some cases, surgery may be needed.

GERD: Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease,and for erosive esophagitis, which is GERD-related damage to the esophagus: a syndrome due to structural or functional incompetence of the lower esophageal sphincter (LES), which permits retrograde flow of acidic gastric juice into the esophagus.

Now that we have got the legistics out of the way. :0 lets' get the silliness out of the way! As woman we shouldn't be ashamed of telling doctors that we hurt! We shouldn't be afraid to tell our loved ones we can't do something because we hurt. We shouldn't be afraid to tell our girlfriends all the above, and if we are they shouldn't be our doctor's, friend's or loved ones life is too short to be surrounded by uncaring, unfeeling, unhelpful people when we hurt and are in need of sometimes something as simple as taking the dog for a walk. We shouldn't be ashamed to openly talk about our ache's, pain's and issue's, yes I understand it can be overwhelming and can at times seem at consuming, but you on the other side should spend some time in our skin, IT IS ALL CONSUMING!!! We don't try and be prim-donna's, we'd give anything to go back to a time when we didn't hurt 24/7 and could do anything we wanted with out the consequences of not being able to get out of bed for 3 days.
On the other hand I believe in living life to the fullest come hell or high water and i pay for those choices, but I'm not dead yet and I will have fun until then I have a bucket list and until the time I can't do those fun things that bring enjoyment I plan on fulfilling some of those wild things I want to do. I'm fragile not broken as some of my friends like to say, I don't look at it that way, there are some things I shouldn't do, some things I'll pay for doing, some things I'm gonna do no matter what and some things  I wont do! But all of them I know I'm gonna have to take it easy before hand, rest, eat right, and afterwards I'm gonna have medicate, medicate, rest, rest, bitch, bitch and be happy I did it (I hope), and wait for the soreness to go away!
The other thing is with the fibromayalgia, there is a benefit, and if your in a steady relationship, and have a patient partner, and have done your homework, you know that with fibro every nerve is effected, your pain receptacles are heightened, well so are your pleasure receptacles... I'll leave you with that thought! ;-)